Ask Amy: I want to get past my guilt without telling my wife what I did – The Mercury News

Dear Amy: I am a gladly married male with a child in college. My partner and I have been wed for 22 years (my 2nd marriage, her first).

Writer Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune) Way back, 15-20 years earlier, I had a couple of “encounters” that did not involve sex however did include kissing, etc

. I am really embarrassed and dissatisfied in myself, and experience regret about this. My other half does not know about any of this, nor do I see any reason to reveal it, however how do I deal with my regret?

Guilty Party

Im uncertain if there is any help for individuals like me. Usually individuals with these issues are underweight and end up being hospitalized.

I am disgusted to eat food in front of anybody else. I abhor the noise of people eating. If I do eat something, I feel ashamed and can not manage myself from vomiting it up.

Dear Guilty: I believe a little justified guilt can actually be an excellent thing. It advises you of the harm even “good individuals” are capable of.

Dear Amy: When I remained in my early teenagers, I had bulimia. I was 5-foot, 5-inches tall and weighed 79 pounds. I vomited whenever I ate.

The objective is not to think “I have nothing to feel guilty about,” but to understand “I am flawed. Im a much better person, now.”

Have you seen the motion picture “Frozen” recently? “Let it Go” is an anthem of liberation.

You have to decide how long your jail sentence should be for things you did 2 years back. You must evaluate your habits, attempt to decipher the factors behind it (insecurity, loneliness, worry, arrogance– and/or basic blind stupidity), acknowledge your own faults and failings, and choose either to forgive yourself– or extend your sentence.

I am now in my mid-40s.

Who would think about that I have an eating disorder?

If I had food allergic reactions, a good friend I confided in asked. No, I do not think so. I simply hate food.

Starving and Fat

Any proficient doctor, condition professional, or nutritional expert would extremely quickly understand that somebody who is currently obese has a major eating condition.

I shoved my assaults down inside me up until I was 37 and might no longer take the discomfort. I began dealing with a wonderful lady who assisted me through recovery. It was hard, however oh so fantastic not to have the rage and anger boiling inside me.

The important thing is for you– as an adult– to utilize your insight and instincts to bravely challenge something that is tough to face. This is the essence of self-care, and the journey ought to start in your physicians office. Be completely truthful about your history and your current symptoms, and be open to treatment, including talk therapy.

I am 68 now, and I am totally free.

Dear Starving: Relapses of consuming disorders are unfortunately common. This is one reason why consuming disorders are so tough to treat. Stress, stress and anxiety, work furlough, and seclusion associated to the pandemic might have been triggers for you.

You must see a doctor immediately. A medical issue might be the hidden reason for your symptoms. A medical condition or allergy might have also activated your eating condition, so you might be dealing with a complicated mix of symptoms and causes.

The National Eating Disorders Helpline uses a variety of ways (phone, text, and “chat”) for you to link– instantly– with a volunteer counselor. Examine for more info. You can likewise text NEDA to a volunteer at Crisis Text Line (741-741), for immediate text assistance.

You may remember this concept from your previous treatment: People attempting to recuperate from an addiction (drinking, cigarette smoking, and so on) can be successful by preventing their trigger. However we all need to eat to live. You are forced to face the source of your distress every day.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your thoughtful action to “Hanging On,” a girl who had actually been raped, but had actually not reported it.


Dear Amy: I am a happily married man with a kid in college. Dear Amy: When I was in my early teens, I had bulimia. I hate the sound of people consuming. If I do eat something, I feel ashamed and can not manage myself from vomiting it up. Dear Starving: Relapses of consuming conditions are unfortunately common.

Dear Grateful: I hope that “Hanging On” gets the quality of therapy that you got.

You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.